Ten Commandments of Dating

Some years ago, as my sons were approaching the age at which words like "girlfriend" and "dating" were being used more often, I began thinking through what a biblical framework for dating might look like. This is not the most obvious enterprise because the Bible was written to a culture wildly different than our modern western society, with patterns and norms for establishing relationships of this sort that look nothing like those we experience today. Still, I was convinced that the Bible carried principles that reflect the character of God and His intention for all people across all of time, so I turned to what I felt was the most obvious place – the Ten Commandments.

The Ten Commandments are of course pretty widely known, and are both respected and recognized for what they are: brief summary statements that encapsulate many deep layers of thought and consideration.  From these ten basic commandments would flow another 600+ more detailed laws given to the Israelites through Moses, which would then give way to countless codified interpretations and applications over the years as the nuance and complexity of society would give rise to such a need.

What follows here is my attempt to apply the basic principles of the Ten Commandment to the realm of pre-marital romance.  The document carries a heavy Christian slant (for which I make absolutely no apology) and is written from a first-person perspective, as if each party in the relationship was speaking his or her commitment to these principles to the other party.

The Ten Commandments of Dating

1. I am the Lord thy God; You shall not have any gods before me.

I will honor the Lord my God in all aspects of my relationship with you and our respective families.  My worship belongs to God alone.

2. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything.

I will not permit you or the relationship we have to become an idol.  I will strive to point you towards Christ in our relationship, not allowing you to occupy the place in my mind and affections which is reserved only for the Lord.

3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God.

I will bear the name of Christ with honor and integrity, and will represent Him and His holy name well in all aspects of our relationship.  I will strive to make our relationship a model of such relationships, praying that through our example other unmarried couples will come to understand both the importance of a relationship with Christ and the value of His perfect plan for human relationships.

4. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.

I will not allow our relationship to interfere with my assembly with the Lord's people, in the Lord's house, on the Lord's day, for the Lord's glory.  Moreover, I will consciously work to encourage regular sabbath – periods of peaceful rest – in our relationship, for its health and for devoted seasons of faithful attention to God alone.

5. Honor your father and your mother.

I will honor and obey my parents and yours – as well as other authority figures God has placed into our lives – in all aspects of our relationship.  My relationship with you will carry a biblical priority, which means that I will not allow it to negatively affect my relationship with, and responsibilities to, my own family.

6. You shall not murder.

I will do nothing to hurt you physically, emotionally, socially, or spiritually. Rather, I will treat you with dignity and respect as a sibling in Christ.  As a fellow image-bearer of God, an attack on you is an attack on His image, and is therefore unconscionable.  Moreover, there are no term limits on this – should our romantic relationship dissolve, I will continue to treat you in this fashion.

7. You shall not commit adultery.

I believe that marriage is God’s gift to humans and a means of grace by which we get to experience a relationship with our spouse that reflects Christ’s relationship with His Church.  Therefore, I will honor God's perfect plan for human sexuality, keeping myself pure in thought and deed, and striving to present my future spouse – whether that be you or someone else – the spotless gift of myself in that God-ordained union.

8. You shall not steal.

I will not take from you anything that isn't both mine to take and yours to give.  This includes, but is not limited to, sexual purity, time, attention, and affection.

9. You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

I will act with honesty and integrity in all aspects of our relationship, encouraging others to see you and I clearly for who we are:  children of the most high God, and bearers of His holy image.

10. You shall not covet your neighbor's house, wife, or property.

I will put aside foolish jealousy, encouraging and facilitating your healthy friendship with others regardless of their gender.  You are not mine; I am not yours.  We both belong to God, and His righteous jealousy burns over our relationship with Him alone.